Food for thought


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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Just some husband and wife jokes....

A couple drove down a country road for several
miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion
had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


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A husband read an article to his wife about how
many words women use a day... 30,000 to a
man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because
we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"


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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how
you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God
made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.

"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring
out the beast in me."

"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of
a mouse?"